"Today I want to talk to you about taking about people in a good or bad way. Man, my whole life I have been guilty of both. Have you? As I continue to study human behavior to bring you, guys, the most accurate information based not only on my and other people's experiences, but also on a thorough research I think I am slowly discovering why most of us, frankly, "talk too much." Let's go back to the last time you bashed someone. I am going to go there as well... Think about how you felt at the moment: were you angry, anxious, depressed, scared? What emotion did you let yourself experience most without even realizing it? Think on it. Now, let's take you back to your childhood. Recall, if you often felt this emotion. If not, remind yourself of other times in your life when you felt this emotion for a prolonged period of time. Well, guess what? You learned this emotion perfectly! It became your new normal that can make you "comfortable" at any time till the rest of your life. The fact is, you can learn to control this emotion or "make the best out of it" in your day to day conversations. It's proven by science that the way you feel, in fact, affects the outcome of your encounters with other people. Now let's go back to a time when you were bashing someone over and over and over: you called those people stupid, fat, ugly, etc. maybe even without really meaning it. Do you think was it a real compassionate you I know you are who said it or was it that learned emotion that got the best out of you?? I believe the former. I remember when I said something about someone I did not mean I felt angry. I felt so angry because I come from a domestic abuse childhood. (I used to be an angry person all the time because this is how I knew how to cope with a mess that was going on in the house.) I also, felt angry because I just could not understand why that person did what they did. So, the best way I knew how to deal with the overflowing fury that was suffocating me was to call that person names, say they were nothing, etc. Well, that's a way to talk nicely??? I give myself an F- for the way I handle that situation. Sorry.. Why did I or anyone may choose not so kind way of dealing with a situation? I believe it's because we let ourselves feel a negative emotion and we want to fix it right then and there. The way we "fix" how we feel to make us comfortable instantly is blaming other people for everything while bashing them. It's my friend called "human" or "giving up control of yourself." Is it the best way of dealing with our own emotions?? Of course not! Me and you, first, should learn how we feel in a situation we are in. Then we should learn (or assume) how the other person feels. And now we can have a rational articulate conversation satisfying both parties needs. Take this advice to heart. Although I am sure it's a lot harder said than done, there will be a time when you will be able stop yourself from the unwanted words by controlling your emotions. Gaining this kind of control takes time. I am an absolute baby in this. However, I am learning from experts that it is absolutely possible with practice. Will you be interested in changing your behavior by focusing on the way you feel? Will you want to talk less about people in a good or bad way? When and how the last time you handled a situation well or poorly? Write to me your thoughts on this. I would love to hear from you?" Marina Amdream