No matter how hard it gets, keep going
"Every time I write about my highest of the highest and my lowest of the lowest you seem to "love it." When I put "love" in quotes I mean how can you "love" someone's story who was completely abundant by their ex with no money saved or to live on, who clearly has some kind of mental health disorder, but refuses to take any pills doctors prescribe them and who is clearly poor in reality, but so rich in vision.
"Luckily" the lowest point of my life has come to "wake me." No disrespect to anyone who struggles from a depression or unhappiness, but sometimes we need to hit the bottom to help us see that the only way from now on is to the top. Today was one of the highest and lowest moments of my life and where on one side I close a decent business deal, on the other - I had insufficient funds on my card driving through Starbucks.
Usually in moments like this, I would call my ex and say: "Can you put me some money on my card?" 95% of the time he will. (The 5 he would not have it.) Today when I was so embarrassed in the coffee shop. I could not pay and I could not call him and ask for money. I had to give my drink and cake pops back and say: "Let me go to ATM & come back." I did do that using a different card. But still it was so embarrassing. I apologized and had a need to explain myself. So weak... I hope one day to get so much confidence that I don't have to explain myself so much. Even my mother teaches me to not explain myself all the time. One day I'll learn.
I walked in to check out for stuff I had to give back on purpose to take a picture with my coffee cup to remember this humbling moment. (This one of many pictures will remind me where I came from.) As I was checking out there was a homeless man inside the shop who was not able to stand straight. I was not sure if he was ok. He asked a waiter: "Do you have coffee?" The waiter said: "Yes, we have coffee???" As soon as I offered to buy it for him, he turned around and left. I remember saying to the waiter: "Let me buy it for him. I know the struggle." Although I did not get to buy it for him the whole idea that I said it in the moment when I experienced troubles paying for my own stuff makes this moment special for me. Saying "I know the struggle" makes this story even more memorable and meaningful. And, hopefully, one day this story will be inspiring for someone as well.
...Today is also a great day because I payed off a little debt I had on the card that I use for investing in companies which is ironic, right? On one side I am a hard core investor, on the other I owe money because I invest too much. This is what I like to do: take risks and invest knowing that my entrepreneurial sprit will help me survive in the end. See, the thing about me is that at this point of my life I must succeed. I tell you: "You can do it!" So, I must succeed as well! However, It's so hard for me mentally. You just have no idea.
Try to do anything in another language: anything?? - Learn, remember, negotiate, compete, etc. When I had my American professors tell me what to do it was easy to process my actions in English. When my ex was in control of basically my whole life, I really did not have to think at all. Now for the first time in 14 years since I started learning English I am making my own sole decisions in the foreign country using a foreign language while also trying to please my customers, competing with other businesses, dealing with every day life & trying to stay well. I am either very smart to be able to do that, or I am going crazy. I think it's a little bit of both...
The moral of today's story is. It will be hard. If you want to be at the top, it has to be hard. Even Presidents of countries have opponents at first which can make it hard to win. Why do you think the world has to just give you millions without you having to work for it??? Someone always has to win; someone always has to lose. It's a beauty and danger of the world we live in. Someone said that: "Work is best equalizer." I believe that wholeheartedly.
What do you think am I about to do after writing this? Go work. You should too. Forgive my imperfect story for today. Who wants to read about someone who can't pay their bills. But everything I ever write is more than that: it's about helping you see that whatever struggles you are having, you are not alone. We are all in this together "wearing pants one leg at a time." Wear pants (or skirt), get dressed and go out there and try again and again and again like I do. I literally live one day at a time. And I know that the journey, not final results is what counts most. As long as I know where I am going all the failures a long the way are just part of my success. I don't know about you, but I am free to build an empire. You are too! Why don't you???" Marina Amdream.